HEY LITTLE GIRL !
— ROLL YOUR OWN TAMPAX —
— 10 SECONDS —
— NEAR ZERO CENTS —
(PS– You DO NOT need a College Education or College Loan or HS Diploma to figure this out)
1. SIT ON TOILET, BARE BOTTOM
2. ROLL OUT APPROXIMATELY 24 INCHES OF TOILET PAPER (about 6 sections). (Adjusting length and thickness to heaviness of menstrual flow)
3. FOLD END TO END — IN HALF
4. THEN FOLD END TO END –IN HALF, AGAIN
5. NEXT, ROLL UP INTO A KIND OF SAUSAGE/ M.J. KIND OF THING
(WHICH RESEMBLES TAMPAX!)
6. FOLD ROLLED UP THING IN HALF
7. VOILA. YOU HAVE JUST MADE YOUR OWN TAMPAX
8. INSERT
9. WHEN HOME-MADE TAMPAX IS SATURATED (just like the store-bought kind) it will come out all of its own accord when you next use the toilet. You DO NOT need some pulley string.
Now girls, really. There seems to be a rising fetish in which shouting out body parts and figuratively rubbing bodily function in the faces of innocents has come to be considered fun. And crotch-grabbing. (And yes by the way, I too am sick to death of hearing all the jolly updates about erectile dysfunction).
Many moons previous (1967) there was a clever movie made called “TO SIR WITH LOVE” which saw to the education of rowdy, troubled British high school students. One of them, maybe LULU the dear Brit singer, heaved a soiled pad at the teacher, Sidney Poitier, who did not take kindly to that. And whereas he did not teach the girls what I have just taught you on this page, the lives of the kiddies was improved because a grown up called them out.
Vulgarity does not necessarily rule supreme unless it’s ALL you ever expect for your life.
And forcing tax payers to cover your every expense from cradle to grave is not a sign of cleverness. Indeed it will cost you more dearly than you have stopped to calculate.
The whining feminists of 2017 exhibit a stunning lack of inventiveness, along with the fine American pioneer spirit to be bold, independent, and resourceful.
I ask you, if this is feminism today…why did my mother’s generation fight for the right to vote and wear trousers, and my generation burn our bras and panties and leap through the glass ceilings?
If you want to do some global good for the vagina, fight the female genital mutilation being practiced.
Now THERE’S a cause for a generation.
Using the glorious freedom of roll-your-own — I have happily worked construction jobs, painted billboards high above Times Square, painted carousels and rides in Coney Island, camped in the woods, sailed in boats, tended bars, climbed pyramids, danced on pianos, ridden horses — and not bled all over myself and others even when I was dead broke and couldn’t afford somebody else’s equipment for my hygiene. And NOT ONCE chatted up strangers about my private parts and life.
Grow up, honey.
If you think you can stand it.
Shut up and roll.
The Hawks Perch 