The Elf Door Woodworker of SF Outed
Rio and his dad Tony Powell live on a houseboat in SF Bay. They decided to make a door for a tree in the Golden Gate Park as it is a place they love. The little door, outfitted with hinges, a knob, and a good coat of marine varnish was put in place on Valentine’s Day. Despite all the world attention it drew, Tony and Rio remained in the dark until a few days ago. Powell senior has stepped forward to acknowledge their work.
RIO POWELL & DAD TONY POWELL Creators of The Golden Gate Park Elf Door. Rio shown next to his door with pet bear.
There’s been considerable political fallout from this unprecidented crime.
THE RIO POWELL ELF DOOR HAS BEEN RIPPED OUT by the Parks Department ~~ due to extensive damage by 1/8 inch screws in a Golden Gate tree, which is a crime against the state.
Powell’s young son Rio has been seized from his father’s home and sent to a re-education camp (funded by Beyoncé, JZ, and DHS) in Cuba. Tony Powell has been placed in a maximum security prison for the criminally insane, and faces fines of up to three million dollars for defacing a tree. Governor Brown has thoughtfully remanded the Powell houseboat for his own use. Senators Boxer, Feinstein and Pelosi have co-authored The California Constitutional Ammendment to Outlaw Imagination, Miracles, Portals to Nowhere, and Parenting.
Governor Brown asked the California State Legislature (pacovilla.com)
to draft a law re-defining what constitutes CORRECT HOUSING FOR PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN, which must be square structures on dry land but not in trees, contain no salt, gluten, sugar or Twinkies, and be in drone-monitored, gun-free communities fitted with smart-meters and ankle GPS trackers (picture credit, twowheelingtots.com) Occupants must wear helmets 24-7.
Governor Brown has initiated a $12 Million Dollar TV and print campaign with his own money to address the trauma, mental disorder, and ultimate cost to the State Health System when undisciplined children are raised by imaginative parents who may try to instill a sense of whimsy in their offspring.
The California Highway Patrol urges all citizens to report bizarre behavior of any kind to authorities except for downtown naked protesters, broad daylight muggings and drug sales, bicycle theft, terrorists employed by UCB or Silicon Valley, psychotic behavior, or murder. (George Orwell, thinking, smoking, loaded for bear, c. 1948)
“If you would like AN ABSOLUTELY FREE booklet The State of California Compleat List of Dangerous Citizen Activities, please send name and address. The form must include the following: medical history and numerical order of psychotic episodes/location, driver’s license, proof of insurance, Social Security number, union membership card, verisimilitude of passport, number of bathrooms in your dwelling, medical marijuana license, 4 years of IRS forms, list of drugs you are currently taking, confessions of previous naughtiness listed by date, arrest records, dental records, copies x-rays from airport scanners, secret decoder ring, shoe size, and a saliva swab wrapped in a sealed baggie, to
Governor Jerry Brown
It’s okay if you don’t have all of the above. We have it anyway. We’re doing this for the children.” (cheezburger.com)