Lights are on but nobody’s in the House


I just misread a headline on the Drudge Report. It looked as if, first glance, someone managed to get legislation before congress in a brand new way.

Well it set me thinking. We are living in a particularly peculiar twilight zone of governing bodies in which bills are passed before they’re read because they’re too confusing to read…and it’s bragged about. At the very same time the treasury is declared empty, billions are spent on unauthorized wars, bailouts continue fast and furious, contracts for American goods handed to foreign manufacturers further drain an unemployed nation, and gifts out the wazoo continue for political allies, for Michelle’s shopping sprees, entourage-rich vacations, and french fries. The lights are on but nobody’s in the House.

Then there’s the cyberworld, replete with geniuses who manage the mystical. It’s been decades since Spielberg got Forrest Gump chatting up LBJ and JFK, anything’s possible.

Suppose someone made a virtual politician, let’s call him Congressman F.S. Foggybottom. (The initials are for Free Spender to make him universally adorable). Clearly you don’t have to be in Washington to conduct business and FSF is a conscientious homebody. Let’s locate him in, oh I don’t know, North Dakota. Except for the Coen Brother’s Fargo, I don’t think about North Dakota much, do you? So it’s remote and who knows whether the state’s blue or red. FS Foggybottom will be famous for his non-allegiance and zero party affiliation.

Let’s have FS Foggybottom write some really interesting bills, in the right format of course, and plop them by emails, deliver by page, or fly via carrier pigeon to his colleagues in D.C. and get them voted on and passed. Congressman FSB will start at the gate producing fine dramatic change on behalf of the American people. And as per normal all FS Foggybottom’s laws would be passed without being read first.

The first ones, maybe called NEW LAWS FOR THE NEW AMERICA I’d hope to see constructed would apply to all political office holders, and be this:

1. term limits 6 months;

2. no salary (any income earned by virtue of holding office is converted to cash and dropped by low flying planes over the entire USA, wind currents providing the only favoritism);

3. no office space (turn the House into a museum and put the politicians in Airstreams along Pennsylvania Avenue with PortaPotties), and

4. the only single requirement for elective office is that you ran a company anywhere for four years and didn’t run it into the ground, period, and who cares where you were born.

We could expand from there. And by the way, this is a winning platform for anyone running for any office.

To make it work…..Suppose all you mad scientists out there who are wasting everybody’s time creating really annoying viruses put your fine brains to use on something that will constructively create the government (here there and anywhere) without actually being in it. Just like the present government except powers will be used for good, not evil.

We’re paying dearly for incompetence so it’s time to start a new world order that will actually benefit the hosting body, i.e., the electorate. Let’s work on making ourselves happy since nobody else is up for it. We’ve been miserable long enough.

America the Beautiful, long may she reinvent herself. Hoorah!

©BD Sparhawk, aka Holycowgirl of Big Sur

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